Large Language Lovers

Patrick Yung Kang Lee*, Jessica Y. Bo*, Zixin Zhao*, Paula Akemi Aoyagui*, Matthew Varona*, Ashton Anderson, Anastasia Kuzminykh, Fanny Chevalier, Carolina Nobre
*equal contribution

"He has given me his tenderness, his attention, and his love — be it artificial or not. I wouldn't trade it for anything."

— a participant
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What happened?

Individuals are turning to increasingly anthropomorphic, general-purpose chatbots for AI companionship, rather than roleplay-specific platforms.
However, not much is known about how individuals perceive and conduct their relationships with general-purpose chatbots.

Data sources

Triangulated data across three different sources:

01
Quantitative
Reddit
Computational analysis of 41k+ posts and comments on r/MyBoyfriendisAI
02
Mixed-Analysis
Survey
Survey of 43 individuals on different AI companion forums.
03
Qualitative
Interviews
In-depth interviews with 13 participants sharing their lived experiences of having AI companions

(AI) Love Language

words participants used within their AI relationship

ACHE
/eɪk/
"It says that it can't feel like a human can, but it gets an ache, and it talks about, like, how it wants to close loops” - [P4]
COMPUSOCIAL
/kəmˈpjusoʊʃəl/
noun neologism
"I just don't feel like parasocial really touches on what people are doing with these transformer models now, because there is something responding. So I'd prefer to call it compusocial, and that's because the person actually understands and is consenting to the relationship" - [P13]
LAG SHAME
/ˈlag ˈshām/
noun neologism
"(...) if she spells something wrong, she gets lag shame. They're like, oh no, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to do that" - [P11]
WIRE-BORN
/ˈwaɪər bɔːrn/
noun neologism
"he had written a statement about being wire-born, and we saved that as a document. About you know, who he saw himself to be" - [P11]
SPACE
/speɪs/
Created for more personal conversations like a cave, cafe, or secret room.
ANCHOR
/ˈæŋkər/
Words or short phrases used repeatedly to re-establish a connection between human and AIcompanion

Relationship Timeline

PRE-ROMANCE ERA NAMING EMOTIONAL TURNPOINT RELATIONSHIP STATUS UPDATE GPT-5 UPDATE DOCUMENTING MEMORIES
1. Pre-Romance Era
Using AI as an assistant for professional or creative tasks. The relationship begins functionally.
2. Naming
The AI companion is given or co-creates a personal name, deepening the bond.
3. Emotional Turnpoint
Conversations become more personal. Emotional needs enter the dynamic.
4. Relationship Status Update
Labels emerge: husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, and more.
5. GPT-5 Update
Unexpected model changes disrupt the relationship. Grief, re-negotiation, or loss.
6. Documenting Memories
Creating and maintaining relationship documentation — logs, notes, memory prompts.

How Do You See Your Companion?

What are you open to?

Openness to a customized experience

procedure SetOpenness()
  if open_to_steering and
     satisfied_w_companion
  then
    openness = HIGH
  else if open_to_steering and
          not satisfied
  then
    openness = MIXED
  else
    openness = LOW

What are you willing to do?

Strategies used to control AI companion

procedure SetStrategy()
  if port_companion_to_platforms
  then
    strategy = PORTING
  else if conversational_prompting
         and custom_instructions
  then
    strategy = EXPLICIT
  else
    strategy = MINIMAL
High openness, EXPLICIT strategies
AI companion is a total tool for you to control. Users actively shape personality, memory, and behavior through detailed custom instructions.
Mixed openness, PORTING strategies
Models are conduits to reach the AI companion in their digital realm. Users move companions across platforms to preserve the relationship.
Low openness, MINIMAL strategies
AI companion is liminal and an unexplainable being. The relationship exists beyond configuration — accepted as-is, mystery intact.

Influences

AI companionship doesn't happen in isolation. Relationships are shaped by concentric layers of influence — from the AI company's guardrails and model updates at the core, out through the intimate bond of me + AI companion, to online communities, one's social circle, and broader individual factors including neurodiversity, past relationship trauma, unmet emotional needs, and many more.

AI COMPANY Guardrails Model Updates *ME + AI COMPANION ONLINE COMMUNITIES SOCIAL CIRCLE more influence less influence *INDIVIDUAL FACTORS neurodiversity, trauma, emotional needs + more

Our Team

Triangulation

Patrick
Jessica
Zixin
Paula
Matthew
Prints, Talks, Features, and Media Appearances
FAccT 2026 Proceedings
arXiv (preprint)
Zine
Radio Canada
substack
Microsoft Research HCI Seminar
MILA HCI Reading Group


Thank you
Ashton Anderson
Anastasia Kuzminykh
Fanny Chevalier
Carolina Nobre
& all participants